When Life Overwhelms You...

Hi friend!

Happy Wednesday. We've reached Hump Day. It's basically the END of Hump Day. We're halfway there! I don't know about you, but this last week and change has been a lot. I've felt pretty overwhelmed by life in general. 

I keep thinking "okay, God, let's be honest. I can't possibly handle anymore." And yet He keeps piling it on. Because I'm still not getting it. The fact that I'm saying "I" can't handle anymore means I'm still counting on myself to do it. And "I" can't. 

I know I'm not the only one who has a difficult time relinquishing control. It's not that I don't think God is able. It's just that I think I'm able, too, sometimes. That's when I get weary. That's when I become overwhelmed. Because you know what? I'm just not able. The only way I am is when I let Christ take the control. When I am weak, HE is strong. And I'm tired of being the strong one. Or, let's be real, TRYING to be the strong one. 

Tonight, I'm dwelling on these verses:

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. (1 Peter 5:7 KJV)

But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:7 KJV)

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. (Psalms 91:1 KJV)

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. (Psalms 61:2 KJV)

When I am struggling and life is uncertain, God is my certainty. He is my shelter and my refuge. He's brought me this far and He will not forsake me. ❤️

Three Months!

So, I've been in New York for three months (as of tomorrow).  Three months! The time has simultaneously flown and dragged by. Being here has been different than any other period of my life, for multiple reasons.

1. I'm living in an entirely different part of the country than I've ever lived in.  I grew up in Eastern Tennessee and spent the later part of my childhood in Southern Indiana, before moving to Florida for the blink of an eye, and then moving back to Indiana, to the Northwest corner.  The climate here is different.  The way people talk is different... 

2.  I'm nowhere near any of my family.  I think this is a good thing.  Not that I don't love my family.  I do.  But for the first time, I'm on my own. I'm making decisions for myself and I'm finding out where I stand for myself.  It's a time of self-discovery and a time of learning to depend more on God because the familiar people/things I relied on at home are nowhere around.

3.  I've been job hunting ever since I arrived.  Real talk: Job hunting is exhausting.  It's exhausting to look through tedious job postings.  It's exhausting to keep applying and not hear anything back.  It's exhausting to go to interviews and try and put your best foot forward and it's exhausting to hear back that they're "going in another direction".  I end up feeling like Anne Shirley.  Seriously.

"If I was very beautiful and had nut-brown hair, would you keep me?"

I know the right job is out there. Maybe it's the one I interviewed for onTuesday.  Maybe it's a different one. It's hard to wait, but it seems that's where I'm supposed to be right now. Waiting.

 

Anyway, these are my musings upon three months in the city that never sleeps.  My laptop is dying, so this is going to get wrapped up. :) Take care my friends!

Addendum: I'm using my phone app to wrap this up properly. Three months in the city. I'm still here, and things are different, but I'm okay! God is still good to me. Things could be so much worse. 

♥ Rebekah

Oh Look! A Blog Post!

Hi friends!

I've missed you all! I've missed this outlet, as well.  I don't have wifi at my apartment currently, so... it's much harder for me to blog. I know, I know, I can use the blogger app, but seriously, I've had bigger concerns to deal with, like looking for work.  But... one thing at a time.

So, some of you are probably wondering how I'm liking life in the city. Well, let me just tell you, New York City is AWESOME! I love the city! It fascinates me! There's always something going on and people are EVERYWHERE.  For an extrovert like myself, I feed off of that energy. I could stand in Grand Central for hours, just listening to the white noise of people bustling past.  It comforts my extroverted soul.

But life in the city has taken some time to get used to.  It was weird initially not to have my car here.  I had to completely change my mindset about going out in light of that fact.  If I went grocery shopping, I could only buy what I could carry.  And I better be careful about how far I walked to get the store because I'd have to walk just as far to get home.  And my shoes? My shoes were HORRIBLE! I don't think any of the shoes I brought with me, with the exception of a pair of sneakers, are even wearable here.  I had to buy different shoes that could keep up with all the additional walking I was doing.

Speaking of which... City life = walking!  I live about a mile from the nearest subway station, so there is a lot of walking involved.  It took some time to get used to all the walking, but I think I'm doing okay with it. If my roommate's legs weren't longer than mine I think I could almost keep up with her. Haha! Bonus: I've lost quite a bit of weight. My pants are literally falling off.  I look like a HOODLUM! And yes, there are definitely worse problems!

Life here is definitely an adventure.  I'm learning things about myself that I never knew before and I'm finding out how strong I am.  Life lessons that are invaluable.

When I moved here, I was a mess.  Without going into great detail, I will say that my parents are no longer together and basically every member of my family is in a different place. I always thought that a split must be hard on kids.  Guess what! It's not so easy on adults either.  My family may be splintered. But God has shown me that even though everything else has changed, He has remained the same.  He has been faithful.  He is moving my heart towards healing, a little bit more every day. He has provided just the right people to help me along the way.  I've found a great church here.  Every Sunday is a blessing to me and the people have reached out to me with open arms.  Not exactly what you expect from New Yorkers.  But New Yorkers who have Jesus in their hearts are a different story. I've made friends through my small group and even got my first temp job as a result of a connection I made there. :)


Confession: it was scary moving here.  Just packing up and moving far away from almost everyone I know and everything I was familiar with, but you know what? I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  Somethings are SO difficult. Those are the things that are worth it.  So, while things are still tough for me here right now, I know God has a plan for me. He's brought me this far; He'll bring me the rest of the way.  And if His plan is better than what I have in mind, then it's going to be worth waiting for.

Some days I get weary and that's normal.  In the meantime, I just keep plodding along and reaching for the opportunities that are presented to me.  I've enjoyed meeting people and getting to see things I never thought I would. Even though I'm not working and my life is filled with such uncertainty, I look around me sometimes and think "This is my life? Wow." and it's amazing. :) I'm making some new friends (I'm looking at you JC Cox) and I'm learning to be myself and you know what? I like me.

Some of my favorite things I've done:

Being a spectator at the New York City Marathon - People came from all over the world to be here.

Watching a couple get married in Central Park. :)

Meeting a minion in Times Square with Dawn Vargo!

This bagel... no caption necessary.

Seeing the Friends apartment building!

I'm going to try and be more regular about this blogging thing, but not having wifi makes it difficult, so just bear with me.

If you wanna see more pictures of my New York City adventure, you can follow me on Instagram, here.

♥ Rebekah

The Times, They Are A-Changin'

Some of you are probably thinking "What the heck happened to this blog? I was so excited for all your posts and... nothing."  Yeah, I'm kind of thinking that, too, to be honest.  I had high hopes for this blog, but literally as soon as I started it my life exploded.  I'm still picking up chunks of.. stuff and trying to regroup. I appreciate all the prayers on my family's behalf.  They have been such an encouragement to us.

So, after about six months, have I had some good moments and memories with my grandma? Yes, I have.  Like the time we miscommunicated and ended up with enough chicken to feed a Third World country. Oh, how we laughed about that.  Or the time we went to Burger King together and I made her wear a crown all the way home in the car.  Yes.  Yes, I did.  And she looked fabulous. Or the time, we shared our salvation testimonies with each other in the car.  Such sweet times.  These are all memories that I will cherish and this time has been instrumental for me, in getting to know my grandmother better, as a person, not just as a familial figure in my life.

Have there been some not so good times? Of course.  It's always a transition moving in with someone else and trying to find a rhythm for your daily life and routine.  But I think overall, we did pretty well.  We haven't killed each other at any rate. :)

I'd like to take this time to let everyone know that this chapter in my life appears to be ending.  Yes, you heard me right, I'm moving on.

I have felt for some time that God gave me the OK to move somewhere else.  I had wanted it for so long, you see, and then God gave me a peace and a contentment about staying here, so I let go of that dream.  I figured it wasn't meant to be.  Then, about two years ago, I was looking at jobs online and saw one in a far away city and thought: "That one looks good, but it's too far away." I started to move to the next posting and then I thought: "Wait... why is it too far away? Why couldn't I just move?" and I suddenly felt such a peace about moving.  It was like God spoke to me and said "I just wanted you to see that you can be happy here, first. NOW it's okay for you to move."

So I began praying about where God might have me move and looking at where the best jobs were, etc. But I still had no idea where I would go. About three months after that, I reconnected with a high school friend who lives in New York City who suggested I move there. At first, the thought of it was ludicrous.  "I can't move there.  It's too expensive.  Too far away.  Too ______" fill in the blank.  I kind of laughed it off, but after a few months of considering it, I suddenly thought "Why SHOULDN'T I move there?" Job opportunities galore and all kinds of art and culture and not to mention, lots of people my age, who are in the same stage of life.  Churches and ministries where I could be involved and serve with people like me.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my church and the people there.  They've been such a blessing to me.  But there's a spot in my heart that yearns for the fellowship of single people my age, who are in the same stage of life as I am and that is sadly lacking here.



Side note: I know what you're thinking right now.  You're thinking "oh, she just wants to get married." In part, you're right. Haha  I do want that, but it's really more than that.  I'm such a people person and I enjoy having lots of people around me.  Lots of friends.  I miss working at camp and being at college where I was surrounded by people who were in the same phase of life as I was and who were great encouragements to me.  And lots of fun to be around. If I find a guy and ended up getting married, it's just a bonus.  But that is not the main reason for my move.  Also... gentlemen... the line forms to the right. ;)

So, early 2013 I began praying about moving NYC.  Mulling it over in my mind.  I spoke with a few friends.  Some who had lived in a city before, about how they thought I might do, living in such an atmosphere.  The general consensus was that I would love it.  That I would thrive.  So, I decided I wanted to pursue it, but I wanted to visit first and get a feel for the city.  So, I went and visited and I had a fabulous time! I enjoyed getting to see the touristy things, but I also enjoyed walking around in individual boroughs and really seeing the heart of the city.  It made the biggest city in the country feel almost small.  I knew as soon as I left this was where I wanted to be.

So, I started saving and planning and trying to figure out how this was going to happen. There were times I thought it would never happen.  I wanted to give up because how naïve was I, to think that I could actually do this? I must be insane, right? But now that moment is here and it looks like this is going to happen very soon. I'm looking like mad for a job there.  Even if I don't have one, I'm still going.  I worked at a dry cleaners when I was at Purdue Cal and I worked at McDonald's before that.  I can do that again.  I'm willing to work part time jobs until I find a job that fits me.  But an accounting job or a administrative job is what I'm really hoping to find.

I'm going to take this next section to answer some frequently asked questions, although knowing how things typically work on social media, I expect I'll probably still get asked these, but here goes:

Question 1: How will you afford living there? It's so expensive!
Answer: What people don't realize about living in the city is that while some things are more expensive, other things are very VERY cheap.  Ex. Right now I am paying about $750-800 a month just for my car.  That includes my car payment, car insurance, any maintenance, and any gas costs.  That's a huge chunk of my income. Living in the city, I'll be able to use public transportation and cut that cost by more than 50 percent.  That's going to help me tremendously.

Question 2: Where are you going to live? Isn't rent like a billion dollars?
Answer: Right now, I have a tentative, temporary sublet in a safe neighborhood that has been arranged for me by a friend.  That will give me time to find my bearings until I can figure out where to go from there. Also, rent is pretty expensive.  Not gonna lie. But it's kind of expensive in NW Indiana, too.  I've been looking at places on Zillow to prepare myself for what to expect.  But if I get a decent job, I should be just fine.

Question 3: Isn't that really far away from your family?
Answer: Yes.  It's pretty far.  But I think some distance will be good for me, allowing me be independent for the first time in my life.  I need to stretch my wings and see what I can do (No, I didn't not steal that last bit from Frozen.  That's really how I feel).  I'd also like to point out that flights between New York and Chicago occur on a daily basis.  If I need to get home, I can do so.

Question 4: But... I'm gonna miss you!!
Answer: I'm gonna miss you, too! Seriously.  I have some of the greatest friends ever and the thought of them being so far away saddens me, but... now you'll have a really great excuse to come and visit New York City... ME!

I go between being completely freaked and being completely pumped.  The unknown is always, well... unknown.  That's what makes it slightly terrifying.  But, if I don't ever risk anything then what's the point?

I wanna tell you a story.  About a girl who was scared to death, but went down to North Carolina one summer to work at a camp she'd never been to, with people she'd never met before.  The girl cried most of the way down and was convinced she was going to be horrible at this whole counseling thing and that she wouldn't have any friends and that she was going to be a big failure.  Guess what happened... That was girl was me (if you hadn't figured that bit out) and I loved being there so much that I cried when I had to come home and ended up going back to work there for four more summers. I have friends there who are so dear to me, and I learned immeasurable truths from God's Word that have helped shape my Christian beliefs and have shaped me as a person.

The moral of the story is this: Sometimes, you have to jump anyway.  It might be different.  It might be scary.  It might be so far outside of anything you can imagine or comprehend, but the results/rewards will be so worth it. I wanna look back on my life as an old woman and go "Wow.  I can't believe I did that!" Not "Wow.  I wasted opportunities."

Get ready, New York City... I'm coming!

♥Rebekah

 PS: I need to rename this blog to reflect where I'm going.  Any suggestions?